PS…

Here are the BFPs from today…

Well…

I haven’t had any more blood… yet. Still a lot of cramping.. but no more pink. Discharge is fluctuating between egg-white and creamy… cervix, however, is medium-low and soft. Ish.

I did take another test… I couldn’t help myself. The positive is still there. Still faint but–dare I say–stronger than it was. It gives me a small bit of hope. Not much… but something.  At this stage, I just don’t want to get my hopes up 😦

I guess we’ll see. I don’t know if I should go ahead with making an appointment with my new midwife or if I should just wait a month and see what happens.

I guess the good news is that if I am still pregnant, I was swaying fully at the time (minus EGS and Timing) so maybe it’s a girl :p Honestly, though, if I am? At this point, if I am pregnant, I’ll just be happy that the baby is Ok. I won’t even care. This whole thing has put so much into perspective. I went shopping for a new potty for our 2y/o today and stopped by the kids section and the girl stuff was cute, but it didn’t make me ache like it usually does.

Guess that’s progress 🙂

Meh

So dear Aunt Flo is here. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised… or upset…

Yes, we did have unprotected sex twice (the 12th and 13th–but at that stage, I already knew I hadn’t ovulated so I knew there was absolutely zero chance for me to get pregnant)…

And I knew we stopped TTC for a bit (though good news, we’re going to start again as soon as my period goes away)…

But it still really sucks 😦

We’re going back on the supplements as soon as AF goes away. I’m supposed to ovulate–hypothetically–the 28th. Yeah. I’ll believe it when I see it. I’m trying to stay positive… but it’s just so hard to. 😦 I didn’t ovulate! June was perfect. Everything was lined up so perfectly! Now… now, it’s too late. It’s too late and things won’t line up as smoothly as they were lined up for the 12th for ages 😦

So let’s see where this “early” period will leave me.

  • I should be ovulating between June 28th and July 3rd.
  • June 28th, my biorythms line up nicely in “girl” territory, but leave there and go into “neutral” July 15th, at which point they move into “boy”.
  • June 28th, my husband’s neutral until July 3rd, short girl period until July 7th, then neutral again until July 19th where they’re “girl” for one day and swing directly back to neutral.
  • FULL MOON. Ugh. Boy swayer, right there. No idea when the next New Moon will coincide with my hypothetical ovulation. It’s too “all over the place”
  • It will be Summer (officially)
  • Sexwizard says Girl for conceptions from June 28th through July 16th.
  • Chinese Gender charts are in agreement with Sexwizard.

So I guess it could be worse… though the full moon really messes things up 😦 And this is, of course, assuming I ovulate at all. 😦

My husband is going to try really hard to abstain for 7 days prior to our attempts. And instead of just doing O+12, we’re going to be doing SU and TBM every day between the 28th and the 3rd.  This is going to be tricky–as we’re hypothetically moving that week… but we’re going to give it a shot. My husband abstaining is a HUGE deal. He never has. I joke that he hasn’t abstained for more than 12 hours since he hit puberty 😀 (and hey, it’s probably true! hahah) If he can actually pull it off, we will both be amazed 🙂 There’s really no pressure, though. If he can’t, he can’t–no big deal. Hopefully the SU/TBM will help tip the odds in our favor a little bit.

Ah. We’ll see. I really just kinda want to be pregnant at this point. Getting my period today was crushing–even though I knew it was impossible for me to be pregnant.

I guess getting it so “early” is a blessing–as we have another chance for June, now. I hope it works out.

Yep. Nothing.

No ovulation, no darker lines. Nothing.

I am a little more than crushed.

My biorythms are boy til July after tomorrow. And if I ovulate tomorrow, we can’t try tomorrow (unless it was in the AM which is highly unlikely to occur).

At this point, though, I’m so desperate to just be pregnant and be done with it all that I’m contemplating saying to hell with it, all. My body has betrayed me 😦 Or maybe it’s just a sign. Whatever the case, I’m frustrated and angry and tired 😦

The 12th is also my last fast day. At this point, if I don’t freaking ovulate tomorrow, I’m just going to go back on the stupid diet. Ugh. If I can’t rely on my body there’s no way I can gauge when I’m should start the fast. And I won’t do more than 7 days. So where the hell does that even leave me? It leaves me nowhere.

Yeah.. I’m feeling slightly defeated. But what can I do? If I don’t ovulate tomorrow morning, I’m done with fasting. If I don’t ovulate before the 15th, I’m done w/TTC for June.

So disappointed at this stage 😦

Ow. That hurts :(

Still no positive Ovulation tests 😦 And I’m supposed to be ovulating today. I could cry. Sure–the line isn’t any lighter (which I suppose is good, as I could barely see it yesterday…) than it was previously–but it’s not any darker, either. My cervix also seem to be confused. Sigh.

My pH is still about 4.75 which is so not ideal. I’m not even stressing about my husbands, though–I can always just tweak that with lime 🙂 You’d think, though, that my pH would have dropped a lot 😦 Meh.

I’m having bizarre stabby pains in my cervix, as we speak. Seriously never happened to me before O_O!! It’s kind of.. well.. I think “scary” is far too strong a word–I’m not worried about it–it’s just.. weird. Anything “new” just totally throws me off 🙂 Dr. Google isn’t giving me any answers. I would think (HOPE) that it’s ovulation pain, but it really just feels like it’s my cervix 😦 I don’t think ovulation pain is a cervix thing 😦 (and to be honest, I’ve never had ovulation pain, before, so I think after all this time, I’d recognize it)

It’s already stopped–whatever it was. But damn, that hurt! The only “cervix pain” I saw on Dr. Google was during pregnancy (not pregnant), with an STD (free and clear of those) or from people with abnormal paps (haven’t had one since my 5th was born, but that one was perfect.. ugh, I really need to get that done…) Sigh. I’ll just hope it’s something to do with ovulation x) Maybe my cervix is just opening up a wee bit and for some reason I can actually feel that. Or something.

I don’t know, this post has degraded into inane babble 🙂 That’s a sign for me to get up, get breakfast done, get my husband out of the house and clean!

It’s almost June!!!

So of course, I’m completely nervous! x)

I’ve got all the “What if…” ‘s floating around in my head~

  • What if it doesn’t work?
  • What if it takes forever to get pregnant?
  • What if it does work?
  • What if we (Ok, most likely I)  screw up the experiment?
  • What if we can’t even get the practice runs right?
  • What if.. what if.. ugh!!!

Needless to say, aside from being ridiculously excited, I’m astronomically petrified! I know the chances of us getting a BFP the first month TTC (not to mention the first month EGS!) are probably pretty low–but still. June just.. feels like the month! I can’t shake the feeling.. it’s deep in my bones. Granted, a similar feeling also assured me that our youngest was a girl, and you see where that got us ;p And let’s face it–getting pregnant–while it’s never been a hardship for me–it’s never been a quick or easy thing, either. 😦 But I’m going to think POSITIVELY–and I’m going to think pink–and say that June 2010 is our month!

Ok–STILL going to try in June..

But kinda hoping we conceive my next cycle (July 11th) (How awful is that?!)

Yes.. I just can’t ignore that stupid sign thing. By what I had to check, it was correct 100% of the time. 100%!!!! That’s just crazy. (And apparently, so am I…)

My biorythms will be all screwed up (both positive… ugh), but my husbands are still spot on.

New Moon on the 11th

Sexwizard says Girl for conception on July 11th

Have mixed results on the gender charts.. as that is my birthday month *eek*

So.. yeah. Damnit. Must research further…

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