Quick update…

As you are all aware–we’d decided on saving up for High Tech (IVF and PGD) to ensure that our next pregnancy would, in fact, be the girl we both are desperate for, since I am not 100% comfortable with EGS and even Microsort doesn’t have high enough odds for me.

Some things are changed–some are the same.

We’re still planning on IVF/PGD. But it’s been brought to my attention that trying again after an EGS attempt would be something to consider. The only thing is me. My husband would love to have 100 kids. I wouldn’t mind that, either–aside from the fact that I’m really not a fan of pregnancy (childbirth is different–that’s “easy”–pregnancy kicks my ass, though) He said that he’s really not as comfortable with IVF/PGD (the “extra” embryos) and that he would like to try with EGS first and, if it ends up giving us another boy, then without question, we would 100%, no questions asked do IVF/PGD as soon as we were able to after our 6th son was born.

I can’t see where I would really lose in that situation… aside from having to be pregnant one more time than I’d wanted to. I’d get another son, which would not be bad at all if I could be guaranteed a girl after him. (And hey–I’m the one who wanted twins–a boy and a girl ideally–so I’d get that.. sort of ;))

I realize I’m probably being sort of anti-feminist, my body, my choice, etc. etc. But his concern about the “extra” embryos is a very valid one to me. Mainly because it also is a concern for me–just to a lesser degree than it is to him. I would rather not have to go through all that (not even considering the monetary aspect–just all the shots and drugs etc. etc.)

So I’m going to think about it.

I’ll give it a week or two. I’m still on the diet (why, I do not know) and everything (just not taking supplements since I’m still having af visit urgh!), so we’d be able to “try” as soon as I ovulate again. I guess I just–at this stage–have to decide if having one more pregnancy or two for the comfort of our collective conscience verses the physical discomfort. I would like to figure it out before af stops… just to maximize everything and because I’d have to start taking the supplements as soon as she leaves.  I’m guessing I have 48 hours before she’s 100% gone… let’s hope I have come to a decision by them.

Thoughts?

I’m in a bad spot…

First, I have to say thank you to my husband for being so understanding and patient with me. Really–I couldn’t ask for more understanding partner or for one who–when he doesn’t understand–stands by me and tries so hard to help me make the decision that I will be most happy with for the rest of my life.

I’m really struggling, right now. In this whole experience, I’ve convinced myself that I would be 100% Ok with having another boy. I was even close to thinking that maybe–just maybe–I didn’t even really want to have a girl. Well, that all came crashing down about my ears today. While researching EGS of course I came across High Tech.. and I just.. I just had a meltdown. I guess I’m really not ready to try EGS because I’m not ready to have a boy again. I feel like this makes me a horrible person.

Maybe it does… my husband doesn’t think so. He’s in a healthier place than I am, though. He really is Ok with only having boys. Truly to the core. He would be happy with that, forever. I, on the other hand, am not. Without a doubt, if I were to have another boy, I would love him beyond all boundaries. I would cherish his every breath. He would be my “everything” and I would love him without hesitation. But what I would do is spend the rest of my life regretting that I never had a girl. I would never regret him, I would simply regret the hole that not having a daughter would leave in my heart. I hope that makes sense.

So at this point, I’m not even willing to try EGS. I am at such a loss. I’ve invested so much time and energy and even money in EGS–to not go through with it seems like such a horrible waste.. such a horrible thing. But I just.. can’t.

So now, I’m giving myself 6 months to somehow come up with the money for IVF/PGD. And if I don’t… well.. at least hopefully by then, I will be in a healthier place and able to accept that I might have another boy.

I will see, though… I may change my mind…

TTC Temporarily Suspended

Family emergency–so TTC is being put off for now. I’m too stressed to be sad about it, to be quite frank. I sincerely hope to start up again within… well… as quickly as possible. However, the nature of the thing is such that we don’t know when we will be able to continue. We will still be taking our supplements and trying to stick to the diet (though we will be far more lax with it), but yes.

I am so sorry to “ditch” everyone in the middle of this. Just goes to show you that no matter how well laid your plans, God sometimes has other ideas about what you should be doing.

I hope to be back, soon. ♥