Quick update…

As you are all aware–we’d decided on saving up for High Tech (IVF and PGD) to ensure that our next pregnancy would, in fact, be the girl we both are desperate for, since I am not 100% comfortable with EGS and even Microsort doesn’t have high enough odds for me.

Some things are changed–some are the same.

We’re still planning on IVF/PGD. But it’s been brought to my attention that trying again after an EGS attempt would be something to consider. The only thing is me. My husband would love to have 100 kids. I wouldn’t mind that, either–aside from the fact that I’m really not a fan of pregnancy (childbirth is different–that’s “easy”–pregnancy kicks my ass, though) He said that he’s really not as comfortable with IVF/PGD (the “extra” embryos) and that he would like to try with EGS first and, if it ends up giving us another boy, then without question, we would 100%, no questions asked do IVF/PGD as soon as we were able to after our 6th son was born.

I can’t see where I would really lose in that situation… aside from having to be pregnant one more time than I’d wanted to. I’d get another son, which would not be bad at all if I could be guaranteed a girl after him. (And hey–I’m the one who wanted twins–a boy and a girl ideally–so I’d get that.. sort of ;))

I realize I’m probably being sort of anti-feminist, my body, my choice, etc. etc. But his concern about the “extra” embryos is a very valid one to me. Mainly because it also is a concern for me–just to a lesser degree than it is to him. I would rather not have to go through all that (not even considering the monetary aspect–just all the shots and drugs etc. etc.)

So I’m going to think about it.

I’ll give it a week or two. I’m still on the diet (why, I do not know) and everything (just not taking supplements since I’m still having af visit urgh!), so we’d be able to “try” as soon as I ovulate again. I guess I just–at this stage–have to decide if having one more pregnancy or two for the comfort of our collective conscience verses the physical discomfort. I would like to figure it out before af stops… just to maximize everything and because I’d have to start taking the supplements as soon as she leaves.  I’m guessing I have 48 hours before she’s 100% gone… let’s hope I have come to a decision by them.

Thoughts?

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I’m in a bad spot…

First, I have to say thank you to my husband for being so understanding and patient with me. Really–I couldn’t ask for more understanding partner or for one who–when he doesn’t understand–stands by me and tries so hard to help me make the decision that I will be most happy with for the rest of my life.

I’m really struggling, right now. In this whole experience, I’ve convinced myself that I would be 100% Ok with having another boy. I was even close to thinking that maybe–just maybe–I didn’t even really want to have a girl. Well, that all came crashing down about my ears today. While researching EGS of course I came across High Tech.. and I just.. I just had a meltdown. I guess I’m really not ready to try EGS because I’m not ready to have a boy again. I feel like this makes me a horrible person.

Maybe it does… my husband doesn’t think so. He’s in a healthier place than I am, though. He really is Ok with only having boys. Truly to the core. He would be happy with that, forever. I, on the other hand, am not. Without a doubt, if I were to have another boy, I would love him beyond all boundaries. I would cherish his every breath. He would be my “everything” and I would love him without hesitation. But what I would do is spend the rest of my life regretting that I never had a girl. I would never regret him, I would simply regret the hole that not having a daughter would leave in my heart. I hope that makes sense.

So at this point, I’m not even willing to try EGS. I am at such a loss. I’ve invested so much time and energy and even money in EGS–to not go through with it seems like such a horrible waste.. such a horrible thing. But I just.. can’t.

So now, I’m giving myself 6 months to somehow come up with the money for IVF/PGD. And if I don’t… well.. at least hopefully by then, I will be in a healthier place and able to accept that I might have another boy.

I will see, though… I may change my mind…

Meh

So dear Aunt Flo is here. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised… or upset…

Yes, we did have unprotected sex twice (the 12th and 13th–but at that stage, I already knew I hadn’t ovulated so I knew there was absolutely zero chance for me to get pregnant)…

And I knew we stopped TTC for a bit (though good news, we’re going to start again as soon as my period goes away)…

But it still really sucks 😦

We’re going back on the supplements as soon as AF goes away. I’m supposed to ovulate–hypothetically–the 28th. Yeah. I’ll believe it when I see it. I’m trying to stay positive… but it’s just so hard to. 😦 I didn’t ovulate! June was perfect. Everything was lined up so perfectly! Now… now, it’s too late. It’s too late and things won’t line up as smoothly as they were lined up for the 12th for ages 😦

So let’s see where this “early” period will leave me.

  • I should be ovulating between June 28th and July 3rd.
  • June 28th, my biorythms line up nicely in “girl” territory, but leave there and go into “neutral” July 15th, at which point they move into “boy”.
  • June 28th, my husband’s neutral until July 3rd, short girl period until July 7th, then neutral again until July 19th where they’re “girl” for one day and swing directly back to neutral.
  • FULL MOON. Ugh. Boy swayer, right there. No idea when the next New Moon will coincide with my hypothetical ovulation. It’s too “all over the place”
  • It will be Summer (officially)
  • Sexwizard says Girl for conceptions from June 28th through July 16th.
  • Chinese Gender charts are in agreement with Sexwizard.

So I guess it could be worse… though the full moon really messes things up 😦 And this is, of course, assuming I ovulate at all. 😦

My husband is going to try really hard to abstain for 7 days prior to our attempts. And instead of just doing O+12, we’re going to be doing SU and TBM every day between the 28th and the 3rd.  This is going to be tricky–as we’re hypothetically moving that week… but we’re going to give it a shot. My husband abstaining is a HUGE deal. He never has. I joke that he hasn’t abstained for more than 12 hours since he hit puberty 😀 (and hey, it’s probably true! hahah) If he can actually pull it off, we will both be amazed 🙂 There’s really no pressure, though. If he can’t, he can’t–no big deal. Hopefully the SU/TBM will help tip the odds in our favor a little bit.

Ah. We’ll see. I really just kinda want to be pregnant at this point. Getting my period today was crushing–even though I knew it was impossible for me to be pregnant.

I guess getting it so “early” is a blessing–as we have another chance for June, now. I hope it works out.

Ok–STILL going to try in June..

But kinda hoping we conceive my next cycle (July 11th) (How awful is that?!)

Yes.. I just can’t ignore that stupid sign thing. By what I had to check, it was correct 100% of the time. 100%!!!! That’s just crazy. (And apparently, so am I…)

My biorythms will be all screwed up (both positive… ugh), but my husbands are still spot on.

New Moon on the 11th

Sexwizard says Girl for conception on July 11th

Have mixed results on the gender charts.. as that is my birthday month *eek*

So.. yeah. Damnit. Must research further…

Blah

Ok, I guess June 12th isn’t quite ideal, after all. I mean–I guess it’s 99% ideal–and I’ll take that and run with it x) But apparently conception that occurs under “Gemini”  (May 21-June 21) is very much “Boy”. Sucks because it’s “accurate” for all my boys. (Four under Aquarius and one under Libra–both boy signs)  so now I’m kinda “meh” about it. 😦  (it’s also correct for my sisters and I, my husband and my sister in law.. argh…)

I know, I know–I’m being absolutely silly. But then again maybe I’m not 😐 I just can’t get everything to line up perfectly! It’s so bloody frustrating, argh!

Ok–I need a nap 😐

Stop. Relax. Breathe.

I am obsessing.

I need to sit back and breathe.

It wouldn’t be so bad–it hasn’t been so bad–but just now, I.. well.. I panicked. I panicked (internally) that I was doing all this work and that it wouldn’t matter, that I’d still end up with another boy and lose my shot at a girl, forever.

I mean–well, it’s true–if this is a boy, we’re simply just not going to have a girl. Ever. This is absolutely, positively our last baby (unless, yaknow, we become billionaires or something pleasant like that~)

I’m totally stressing. 😦

I know that this “Extreme Gender Swaying” absolutely may not work, at all.

I know that–unless we shell out 20k+–there’s absolutely no way to guarantee that we will have a girl.

I know that having another boy will not be the end of the world.

..so why am I stressing out so much?!? I don’t even know. It’s ridiculous–especially considering that, even with all of this, I still feel like I would love to have another boy! Seriously–I really, really would! I almost wish I were lying to myself so I could figure out why I’m all of a sudden feeling so crushed that we’re not going to have a girl 😦

I just need to breathe.

Honestly, what I “just need to” do is freaking ovulate already! The sooner I do that, the sooner we can start trying, the sooner I can (hopefully) get pregnant and the sooner I can think to myself “Well–I did all I could! It’s out of my hands”. Gah.. I hope that time comes, soon.

June has to be my month. It just has to! (Famous last words? Probably.)

Now–I really need to work on this diet. I need to give up salt, completely, once and for all. Even if it means I eat nothing but rice and grilled chicken (with Mrs. Dash) every day until we conceive. Hell, that doesn’t even sound that bad…