I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve updated! I’m so sorry about that! We’ve been moving and it’s taking forever to get us all settled in!

Needless to say, EGS is very temporarily on hold–though we have had unprotected sex a few times… (3, 5 and 6 days before my calculated ovulation and 18 hours after. This, of course, is assuming I ovulated at all–something I’m not convinced of.) but so far, all hpt’s have come out negative. I even took a FRER today and that was negative. I will test again with my test strips pretty much for the next 5 days and use one more FRER (maybe…) on the 6th day, then I shall give up hope.

We didn’t do EGS–but we did everything else. Diet, supplements, even timing to an extent, so if I actually was pregnant and we got another boy, I would still feel pretty confident that we’d done our best (minus EGS, of course) with just out and out swaying. I’m not sure that we’ll be doing EGS July, either. And to be quite frank, the diet is getting so old. Ok–I won’t lie. It’s not getting old, it is old. I don’t think that I can keep it up anymore. It’s not that I am hungry all the time–I’m actually kinda full–it’s just the blandness is killing me! We’re also both getting really sick of taking so many pills. Ugh!

It’s so weird.. I feel so pregnant, yaknow? I’m peeing constantly, even though I’ve actually been drinking less than normal (yes, I actually know pretty much exactly how much I drink every day!). I had a little experiment last night. I went to bed thirsty (I generally take a bottle of water to bed with me and sip it throughout the night) and I didn’t have anything to drink two hours before I went to sleep. And I still got up four times to pee during the night! That’s one less than the five times a night it’s been for the past 6 days… but so not worth being thirsty throughout the night!) Honestly? I wake up to pee twice a night max. Once a night is normal. This 4+ times per night thing sucks and it only ever happens when I’m pregnant.

But I’m obviously not 😦 I don’t have any other symptoms. No tender breasts, no sore hips, no nausea, no crazy fatigue (just the normal kind when you have a ton of kids :p). Usually when I’m pregnant, my hips are killing me. Literally killing me before I’m late for my period, my breasts get larger (though to be honest, I’m still nursing, so chances are I won’t notice that, anyway) I guess I could be considered overly tired… I slept like the dead last night (aside from the constant urination), the kids didn’t wake up at all (a first!) and I slept so deeply, it was awesome. Yet I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept in a week. And all day, at any point, if I didn’t have to watch kiddos all day, I’d have drifted off (Oh, I wish they weren’t past the nap stage…) . Like right now, one kid is still awake and I’m just dragging, even though I haven’t even been up for 12 hours! Literally!

So yeah.. I don’t know what’s going on with my body. Unless it’s just me mentally convincing my body that I’m pregnant (all that positive thinking I’ve been doing!) Whatever it is, it is so frustrating. Ugh.  At this point in time, I just want af to show up so we can start trying. This being in limbo crap sucks!

I will try to keep this updated, now. I’m so sorry! Now that we’re (mostly) moved and settled, I should be able to keep this up again 🙂

ETA: On the 4th of July, I was actually woken up at about 3AM with the most awful cramps. You wouldn’t believe it. It was.. it was just crazy painful. This is what I wrote in my “personal” journal:

My stomach is killing me. Like omg this morning around 3AM I actually woke up because I felt like I was having contractions O_O;; Honestly.. wtf? You’d think I’d be starting my period after that.. but no. Nothing. I have no freaking clue what THAT was. And I’m sore from it, today. Like my stomach is still kinda crampy, though honestly I don’t know WHY. AF isn’t due for some time, seeing as she just ended on the 22nd [after SIX long day. SIX. wtf, body???] I’d say Ovulation pains.. but I’ve never had them before and I don’t imagine they feel like freaking contractions. Plus, my cervix is in the entirely wrong position for ovulation. Mucous is all wrong, too. So yeah. No f***ing clue what’s going on with my uterus these days. I haven’t ovulated in.. well.. ages. Yeah. Anyone have ovulation pain? Does it kinda feel like you’re having contractions? Or has anyone had this sort of pain and know wtf it is? Flabbergasted, here, honestly.

ETA: And no, I don’t think it’s PMSy type cramps. I’ve had those before. These pains do NOT feel ANYthing like that y.y Plus.. yaknow.. like I said before.. I *just* got off a ridiculously LONG period and if I’m starting again ALREADY I demand a refund on my uterus. Srsly.

How weird is that? My friends suggested implantation–one actually said that I’d described how one of her kids felt with implantation. And it was the appropriate time span… so of course, that got me feeling pregnant, even more! But I don’t know. All those negative tests… just.. yeah.


An early morning sort.

So my darling husband provided me with a sample this morning and, of course–despite my general “blah” feelings toward TTC right now because I can’t seem to ovulate–I put the sample in the test tube, made sure my EW wasn’t too cold (room temperature in my house is 68 degrees, so yeah…) added the EW on top of the sample (and here’s where it gets weird–it stayed on top the whole time–I could see it–but when I was staring at it, either my vision is all blurry because I’m so tired or everything turned the same color. Honestly. I blame being tired, though. I feel like I haven’t slept for a week 🙂 Good times!

So we’ve got 45 minutes left to see if the sort was successful. I’m starting to think I’m going to need to pasteurize some more eggs the rate my husband going 😀 hahaha It’s cool, though 🙂 At least this part is fun. No one else to fault for my body betraying me 😦 (yeah, I know–I’m probably being melodramatic and I’ll probably Ovulate soon.. I hope.. but ARGH the timing will be all off 😦 So sad.. so I’m going to vent about it)

Yep. Nothing.

No ovulation, no darker lines. Nothing.

I am a little more than crushed.

My biorythms are boy til July after tomorrow. And if I ovulate tomorrow, we can’t try tomorrow (unless it was in the AM which is highly unlikely to occur).

At this point, though, I’m so desperate to just be pregnant and be done with it all that I’m contemplating saying to hell with it, all. My body has betrayed me 😦 Or maybe it’s just a sign. Whatever the case, I’m frustrated and angry and tired 😦

The 12th is also my last fast day. At this point, if I don’t freaking ovulate tomorrow, I’m just going to go back on the stupid diet. Ugh. If I can’t rely on my body there’s no way I can gauge when I’m should start the fast. And I won’t do more than 7 days. So where the hell does that even leave me? It leaves me nowhere.

Yeah.. I’m feeling slightly defeated. But what can I do? If I don’t ovulate tomorrow morning, I’m done with fasting. If I don’t ovulate before the 15th, I’m done w/TTC for June.

So disappointed at this stage 😦

Ow. That hurts :(

Still no positive Ovulation tests 😦 And I’m supposed to be ovulating today. I could cry. Sure–the line isn’t any lighter (which I suppose is good, as I could barely see it yesterday…) than it was previously–but it’s not any darker, either. My cervix also seem to be confused. Sigh.

My pH is still about 4.75 which is so not ideal. I’m not even stressing about my husbands, though–I can always just tweak that with lime 🙂 You’d think, though, that my pH would have dropped a lot 😦 Meh.

I’m having bizarre stabby pains in my cervix, as we speak. Seriously never happened to me before O_O!! It’s kind of.. well.. I think “scary” is far too strong a word–I’m not worried about it–it’s just.. weird. Anything “new” just totally throws me off 🙂 Dr. Google isn’t giving me any answers. I would think (HOPE) that it’s ovulation pain, but it really just feels like it’s my cervix 😦 I don’t think ovulation pain is a cervix thing 😦 (and to be honest, I’ve never had ovulation pain, before, so I think after all this time, I’d recognize it)

It’s already stopped–whatever it was. But damn, that hurt! The only “cervix pain” I saw on Dr. Google was during pregnancy (not pregnant), with an STD (free and clear of those) or from people with abnormal paps (haven’t had one since my 5th was born, but that one was perfect.. ugh, I really need to get that done…) Sigh. I’ll just hope it’s something to do with ovulation x) Maybe my cervix is just opening up a wee bit and for some reason I can actually feel that. Or something.

I don’t know, this post has degraded into inane babble 🙂 That’s a sign for me to get up, get breakfast done, get my husband out of the house and clean!

…or not.

So I’ve apparently been fooling myself. The line isn’t getting darker, at all! In fact, I’m almost positive that it’s getting lighter!!! Seriously–it was so faint every time I tested today. Much fainter than yesterday. And I know I didn’t miss it–I’ve seriously been testing every time I use the bathroom at this point. This is so disheartening!

Honestly, I will be so sad if our O+12 attempt isn’t the 12th. Everything was “lined up” for a girl conception! That, and if I ovulate “late”, my fasting will have all been for nothing! Ugh.

But I’ve got to stay positive. I can’t stress out. Stress sways boy, after all 😉

We did another trial run of SU tonight! With a condom this time instead of the cup! Still wasn’t perfect, but it was a LOT easier with the condom than with the cup! I’d have pics to share, but you know, my camera being dead and all.. well.. the cell isn’t good enough to really show anything 😦 I miss my camera 😦 I wish I could figure out what’s wrong with it… sigh.

But I digress! The point was that it seemed like a successful test! Huzzah!

In other news, my husband’s pH is around 8 and mine hovers between 4.5 and 5 😦

Maybe I just wasn’t meant to have a girl!

The line is getting darker!

So I’ve been testing for ovulation pretty much constantly since the 6th. Well, no, that’s not entirely true… One the 6th I only did one and on the 7th I did two. The 8th I did three 😡 The positive line is still way too light, so it’s still negative–but it’s there! The first 2 days, I had nothing but the control line. So yay! So stoked 🙂 Basically from now until I get a strong positive, I’m just going to be testing every time I have to go to the bathroom (Ok, well maybe every other time–this liquid diet has me in the bathroom pretty much constantly! It’s almost like being pregnant already x))

The first experiment was a total flop, by the way–I had my husband give me the sample in a cup. Which was great. BUT getting it OUT of the cup was pretty much impossible. And while he gave a very large sample, most of it stuck to the cup. So I ended up with less than half of what he gave me with no way of getting the rest out 😦  Regardless, I was prepared to have a go with the little I’d retrieved–until I dropped the tube and that spilled out everywhere. Honestly–I’m starting to wonder if I’ll be able to pull this off, at all. How on earth does one transfer the sample to the test tube without losing half (or more!) of it? I know some people use a condom–but I can’t see how that would be much better, at all 😦 I don’t know… I guess I’ll give it a shot… but really, at this stage I’m just feeling kinda “bleh” and completely worried that I won’t be able to do it, at all. I’d have him just deposit the sample straight in the tube–but it’s far too narrow (and also far too tall–I actually have to cut it so that I’ll be able to get the syringe down there to suck off the egg whites…) Sigh.

Oh, well–there’s always tomorrow! I will have to pick up some condoms at the store (also need garbage bags hahaha) and we can try it that way tomorrow 🙂