SOOOOO sorry!!!!

So it’s been a LONG time. I’m so, SO sorry for that. It’s been crazy around here. I love it–wouldn’t change it for anything–but it’s been impossible to sit down and update!

So much has happened!

I’ve fluctuated frequently between “Oh, I am going to be sad if I have a girl” to “Oh, I am going to be sad if I have a boy” and so on and so forth… it’s been a roller-coaster, for sure. I don’t know if I could ever do this again, despite plans to wait 5 years before we do anything permanent.

I’m going to give a sort of bullet point style update, chronologically 🙂 Hopefully it will get you all caught up with everything on this end and I will try so hard to keep this updated from now on!

9.14.10

Had my NT scan yesterday and the tech said he was 85-90% sure that the lil’ one is a girl. I saw a lot of screen time of the nub and I agree with this, though I’d have said a straight 100% because the nub was so typical and obvious.

UNFORTUNATELY, because my darling child was being.. well.. uncooperative (but wow, it was SO awesome to see the acrobatics! I just kinda lay there with a look of awe on my face), we weren’t able to get any nub pictures. We did get a between the legs shot but we all know 12w2d (kiddo measuring 12w4d which ironically were my original dates… hah) between the leg shots are not accurate for the determination of sex. Further to my misfortune, my scanner is broken AND I can’t find the card reader for my camera, so I can’t actually post the picture. Sigh.

Another thing–I of course was talking to the tech throughout the whole thing. Making a nuisance of myself, probably haha but he was great, friendly! In the beginning, I was referring to the little one as “he” and so he did, too. However, after he made his initial assessment, he started to say “she”. I, however, continued to say “he”. He said to me “Trust me, that’s a little girl in there” and even “What, you don’t believe me? I’m sure that’s a girl”

THAT was a shocker! This whole pregnancy, every sign, old wives tale, symptom–it’s all been classic boy. When I heard him say that–and I saw the nub for myself, just.. wow! I was floored. It was so hard to believe. So hard, in fact, that after 2 days, I didn’t believe it at all!

I spent the time between now and my next excerpt, I’d decided seriously and solidly that I wanted a boy. I thought about having a girl and.. it scared the crap out of me. Unfortunately, I don’t have a date for this one.. but.. it was some point :p

So.. Ok, yeah–I have decided that I actually WANT to stay an all-boy mom! Who’d have thought?! So.. now I’m actually really hoping that my BOY feelings are accurate! I remembered when my GD started.. and it was when I was CONVINCED that my 5th was a girl. And because I was SO convinced of that, I wanted a girl. Before that–I didn’t care. I didn’t want boys or girls–I just wanted babies! When he turned out another boy, I can honestly say I was crushed. And from that point, I wanted a girl, no matter what.

But yeah–I won’t ramble–I’m almost back in the healthy place I was, before. I think having a girl is too much for me–so I DO only want boys at this point.Before, I just wanted babies 😛  So I’m not completely “recovered” yet. And God help me if this does end up being a girl.. I think I’d have to put my GD shoes back on.. and that would be depressing 😦 (I think I’m safe, though–I’m pretty sure I’ll hear boy again!) But yeah.. fx we hear it’s a boy on the anatomy scan!!!

And…

9.29.10

So we (Ok, I) was freaking out all night.. we could not find the heartbeat on the doppler and we tried all night. It was awful. After our previous losses, well, we decided that we would get checked out. We got there and had to wait an agonizing 30 minutes until it was our turn. Long story short, everything is fine–there’s a beautiful heartbeat, baby was active and looked fantastic.. and is 100% a girl. We are.. completely floored. Happy.. excited (I, personally, am scared to death along with those feelings). My 2nd is going to be so happy.. he’s my little GD sufferer (poor guy) but yeah.. everything is great, she (I can’t believe I am saying she) is looking wonderful. I guess she was just hiding out last night (seriously we tried ALL night to find it and just couldn’t.. I was crushed)

So yeah.. I’m having a girl. It’s going to take a bit to get used to… but I will.. and I already love her (geesh, after feeling like we’d lost her for the past 24 hours, it’s impossible NOT to hah) just.. need to get used to it.

So… wow. We are having a girl. I am in shock. Petrified. And shocked.

Of COURSE I am over the moon type happy! Just knowing that she is healthy and whole–and still there! She could be quadruplet girls and I would be over the moon. Not being able to find the heartbeat was so positively scary… I am so thankful that she is Ok.

Just.. have to figure out this whole “girl” thing. hehe. I have some time, though! We are so thankful. I can’t wait to meet her! (Ok, I can wait. Until late March/early April 🙂 )

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I feel…

Tired.. but not. Like… I feel like I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat–but when I lie down, it takes FOREVER for me to fall asleep 😦 AND when I do fall asleep, I wake up about once an hour!

Heartburn. SO.BAD. Oh, man–I had a glass of milk and a brownie last night and I thought I was going to die. It was horrid.

My nose is getting wider. This is why I’m 99.9999% positive I’m having a boy. The only thing that I have had in common with the rest of my pregnancies.

My cravings vary from sweet to salty but are mostly salty. Honestly, I wish I HAD sweet cravings. I don’t really, though. (I couldn’t even finish the brownie!)

I don’t really have any symptoms. I “feel” pregnant without actually feeling pregnant, if you know what I mean! It’s so weird… but I’m not complaining 🙂

Well.. minus the whole “tired but not” thing… thatis getting old, fast!

We don’t have a nursery–and we co-sleep–but we are tossing the idea of actually having a crib for this little one since our 5th is still co-sleeping and I don’t think I quite trust him to leave him (or her.. hah) alone and not try to pick him/her up 🙂 So… yeah. We are thinking about decorating a bit.. a little nursery “space” in our room. Panda’s! And everything G/N.

We will see, though. 🙂

Nothing new…

When I started this blog, I promised myself I would update it daily, regardless of whether or not I had something to say. That is proving to be much more difficult than I’d imagined it would be x)

I have a plethora of blogs//journals. On Livejournal, I have several. Some that I update frequently, some that I update irregularly and some that I have not used in so long, I’ve forgotten the passwords to them.

One of these journals is my Trying to Conceive//Pregnancy journal, where I’ve gone into great detail on the trials and tribulations of ttc, pregnancy, birth and the first couple of months. This journal is pretty private, with only a few very close friends being able to read it. My goal for that journal is–when my babies are older–to print out their “portions” and arrange them in a lovely keepsake-like book, so they can see how much they were wanted, how much they were loved (and also how much pregnancy sucked! hahah).

While I’m still religiously updating that journal right now (though I try to keep my true ranting confined to it rather than here, lest I scare anyone off :p), I’m hoping that this one will be a nice addition for our last baby to see. In that case, I’d like to write a little letter to you, little one…

Dearest Chaos//Random (or whoever you may be…)

I love you. I love you more than words will ever be able to express. Everything that you are–everything that you will be–I will love and cherish. I will love you if you’re a girl. I will love you if you’re a boy. In the broad scheme of things, I know that doesn’t matter. I know that it won’t matter what you are when I’m finally able to hold you in my arms. To give you that first kiss on your forehead. To swaddle you, near to my heart, warm on my skin. To comfort you, to cuddle you, to hold you. To be your world for a short time, then to watch you as you grow wings of independence… these are the things that matter. No matter who you are, what you are, my pride and love for you is astronomical and there is absolutely nothing that will change that. My wish for you is that you are happy, that you are healthy and that life brings to you great joy.

If you prove to be another boy, I will rejoice. I will be happy. My heart will burst with pride, love, joy, happiness–for you are!

If you prove to be a girl, I will rejoice. I will be happy. My heart will burst with pride, love, joy, happiness–for you are!

Know this, my little one. Always know this.

Love Always and Forever and Ever…

Mommy

Yeah. I am Ok, now.