Nothing new…

When I started this blog, I promised myself I would update it daily, regardless of whether or not I had something to say. That is proving to be much more difficult than I’d imagined it would be x)

I have a plethora of blogs//journals. On Livejournal, I have several. Some that I update frequently, some that I update irregularly and some that I have not used in so long, I’ve forgotten the passwords to them.

One of these journals is my Trying to Conceive//Pregnancy journal, where I’ve gone into great detail on the trials and tribulations of ttc, pregnancy, birth and the first couple of months. This journal is pretty private, with only a few very close friends being able to read it. My goal for that journal is–when my babies are older–to print out their “portions” and arrange them in a lovely keepsake-like book, so they can see how much they were wanted, how much they were loved (and also how much pregnancy sucked! hahah).

While I’m still religiously updating that journal right now (though I try to keep my true ranting confined to it rather than here, lest I scare anyone off :p), I’m hoping that this one will be a nice addition for our last baby to see. In that case, I’d like to write a little letter to you, little one…

Dearest Chaos//Random (or whoever you may be…)

I love you. I love you more than words will ever be able to express. Everything that you are–everything that you will be–I will love and cherish. I will love you if you’re a girl. I will love you if you’re a boy. In the broad scheme of things, I know that doesn’t matter. I know that it won’t matter what you are when I’m finally able to hold you in my arms. To give you that first kiss on your forehead. To swaddle you, near to my heart, warm on my skin. To comfort you, to cuddle you, to hold you. To be your world for a short time, then to watch you as you grow wings of independence… these are the things that matter. No matter who you are, what you are, my pride and love for you is astronomical and there is absolutely nothing that will change that. My wish for you is that you are happy, that you are healthy and that life brings to you great joy.

If you prove to be another boy, I will rejoice. I will be happy. My heart will burst with pride, love, joy, happiness–for you are!

If you prove to be a girl, I will rejoice. I will be happy. My heart will burst with pride, love, joy, happiness–for you are!

Know this, my little one. Always know this.

Love Always and Forever and Ever…


Yeah. I am Ok, now.