Well…

I haven’t had any more blood… yet. Still a lot of cramping.. but no more pink. Discharge is fluctuating between egg-white and creamy… cervix, however, is medium-low and soft. Ish.

I did take another test… I couldn’t help myself. The positive is still there. Still faint but–dare I say–stronger than it was. It gives me a small bit of hope. Not much… but something.  At this stage, I just don’t want to get my hopes up 😦

I guess we’ll see. I don’t know if I should go ahead with making an appointment with my new midwife or if I should just wait a month and see what happens.

I guess the good news is that if I am still pregnant, I was swaying fully at the time (minus EGS and Timing) so maybe it’s a girl :p Honestly, though, if I am? At this point, if I am pregnant, I’ll just be happy that the baby is Ok. I won’t even care. This whole thing has put so much into perspective. I went shopping for a new potty for our 2y/o today and stopped by the kids section and the girl stuff was cute, but it didn’t make me ache like it usually does.

Guess that’s progress 🙂

Dead beat.

I’m so drained. You’d think it wouldn’t hit me so hard… only having found out a short time ago. But it’s just… painful.

My husband thinks it was just a bit of spotting due to the celebratory sex we had. It was very light pink, watery and it didn’t last (and it wasn’t a constant “flow”–or a flow, at all, it was just like it was sitting there, waiting for me to wipe)

Because of the lateness of the BFPs and because of the near-constant (though not severe) cramps, I am not feeling as confident. Yes, I did get two BFPs.. and that’s something! But all of these factors combined do not inspire confidence 😦

He is hopeful. I wish I could be, too…

I don’t know. Just felt like posting. I need SOME sort of outlet that doesn’t  involve tears.

UGH

First off, I just realized that the dates of this blog are way off. Sigh. Well.. whatever.

Just 48 short hours after my first BFP (and 24 after my 2nd), I started spotting. I’m pretty sure this is just chemical at this point. The late BFPs… the cramps… ugh.

I’m a wreck. I’m crushed.

Yeah.. this means that IVF/PGD is back on… but damnit… this is.. this just plain sucks. I fell in love 48 hours ago.. and now.. now my little one is gone before [s]he even had a chance 😦

Ugh. I’m just destroyed. 😥

To make matters worse, my husband is asleep and I have no one to cry on 😦

omg

Well that solves THAT! I got a faint BFP today!

I’ll write more, later–but just wanted a quick update 🙂

Totally excited!!!

Sigh.

No af.

No BFP.

Going INSANE.

It’s coming…

I am fairly certain that af is coming. Honestly, the left side of my uterus is just crampy and achey today. That’s fine, though–really!  I mean, I DO wish that it would hurry up! All this waiting is so frustrating 😦

Anyway, I have stopped all diets and supplements (I forgot to mention that 😡 sorry!) so we’re absolutely not doing any swaying or anything. We are 100% sticking to our IVF and PGD plans.

Af reallllly needs to get here, though. We want to schedule our new patient meetings ASAP! There’s not a whole lot of time between now and November!

Sorry for the billions of posts, lately! I’m just so excited!!!! (Also, totally confused by my body! Go figure)

Gosh, I’m so tired.

Honestly, it’s so ridiculous. I’m just so tired! The night before last, I only got 5 hours of sleep–but we all had a 2 hour nap, so it wasn’t so bad. Last night, I got like 12 hours of sleep! I woke up feeling.. well.. refreshed. Awake. But at the half-way point, I felt so tired and drained again (could be because I had a decent-sized meal, though–some soup, half a sandwich and a couple of chips). It’s ridiculous and frustrating 😦

Good news is I’m not peeing every five seconds, anymore 🙂

But still, all tests are negative. Since af is due any day, now, I’m relatively positive it’s going to stay that way.  Even though I’m excited because that means IVF/PGD will be going ahead in November, as planned, I still wish.. well.. I still wish we could have done this on our own 😦 I feel like such a failure 😦 I’ve never, EVER had any problems getting pregnant, before–and now.. I just.. can’t 😦

Sigh.

Anyway, still waiting on a response regarding PGD. In all honesty, though, I think we’re probably going to just cycle here in California. Not missing work is a HUGE concern of mine and vacation would only cover one cycle and, if that one wasn’t successful, we’d kinda be screwed having to go to subsequent ones 😦

What to do, what to do…

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